A frying pan is fine to see
when it holds food for you and me.
But if chance upon it bare?
Gird your loins! O beware!
It may be you it hopes to fricassee.

Authorial notes:

The meter in this is a wreck. I love writing limericks and forgetting the standard rhythm we all know and love. Instead we end up with… whatever that is.

I wrote this when I was ten. I still remember it. Clearly, I am a limerick genius.

Episode 6… so here we are, I’m curious if there will be any feedback on this from the campus.

The initial issue of “bold-face” vs. “bald-face” actually was brought to my attention by a reader and I thank him for pointing out the error. Will I always go to such lengths to correct my mistakes? Anyone who has had prolonged exposure to my spelling will soon realize the answer to this question. But, the topic was interesting and I also had another request to fulfill.

A number of misty, far-flung years ago, back in the time of legends and my undergraduate career, I was once the Staff Cartoonist for the Rotunda. This didn’t actually mean anything, other than it gave me free license to be obnoxious, make remarks on issues I was only vaguely familiar with and draw a surplus of armadillos. Coming back for my graduate degree, I decided I wanted to pick this up again, but I didn’t want to try and be a responsible political voice. Because I think that matters.

I’ve never been all that informed on what’s going on, other than through word-of-mouth and rumor and to my mind, that doesn’t actually constitute journalism. The line between “political” cartoonist and journalist is pretty friggin’ broad, but the cartoons are (I’m told) one of the more widely read parts of the paper. Only a few words and funny looking pictures. So when I was approached about drawing a cartoon satirizing the Division 1/Division 3 status concerns along with the whole budget thing, I promptly felt like I was in over my head.

And then I felt like a jackass. Because I’m supposed to be a Citizen Leader by this point, right? Comfortable in bringing the news to other concerned and like-minded Citizen Leaders, leading each other back and forth to other citizens in need of leadership. Sure, I can dig up the very controversial Power Point presentation that kicked this all off and I can even vomit back the information that is neatly displayed.

The topic is frustrating and a very cynical part of me doesn’t believe that there is any sort of action that can be taken or that will be noticed by people who make the decisions around Longwood.

On a completely unrelated noted, Margot looks like Wolfman with that beard. And yeah, he’s probably keeping a version of it, because I like continuity.

So Episode 5, a dramatic turn of events.

No wait, they’re still in conflict. Nothing has changed. The plot continues to not move forward. Yay.

So my therapist said I should be less negative and instead of rip into each thing for its faults, find one thing I like and dislike about each panel. Well. Okay.

Panel 1: I find endless amounts of crosshatching to be soothing. It is also disgustingly time consuming.

Panel 2: So I like the pose. I feel as though we may have Captain Morgan here. I doubt the visual pun will carry through. Also, I am tired of drawing hands clasping swords.

Panel 3: The unexpected as a punchline is a tried and true tradition. Morgan should get his shoes off the bed. Also, his height appears to have changed or perhaps that’s my “unique” handling of perspective.

Panel 4: Morgan’s expressions have been quality this go round. This is due in part to me disliking to draw figures on a side profile. I am sick of this background. Or lack of background.

Panel 5: Margot’s Euro-Mash accent delights me to write. Really. I go back and rewrite his dialogue so I can use it as often as possible. What the heck is that over Morgan’s head? Smoke? I don’t know.

Panel 6: Expressions and postures, I’m pleased with these things. I am less pleased that the bed has turned into a pile of mashed potatoes.

Panel 7: The book title is silly. This is one of those purely “Hey, this is a silly comic” moments. I like to draw hands. When you get them right, it’s very exciting. The other ninety times you draw them, however…

Panel 8: Oh my gosh it’s a punchline!! Hooray! What is that over there? A sound effect? Classy stuff, only the best from Vampyre Comix. Did you notice how I managed to avoid drawing feet for nearly every panel? I’m very proud.

Also, I don’t really have a therapist.

So here’s Episode 4 -this was a bugbear to do, because not only did we draw this panel-by-panel (like a schmuck) but at the advice of several readers, hand lettered as well. Somewhere in the glaze of thinking this was a good idea, I forgot the key detail of creating one background and just slapping the figures onto it over and over again.

“Waaah, there’s too much variation in the forms between panels when we do it that way! I might have to slow down and pay attention to what I’m drawing! They look so much more complete when I draw in panel. God forbid I focus!”

These and other sundry excuses for how I took a project and made it run all day.

I’m uncertain how I feel about the look with the lettering, right now I’m simply glad I don’t have to ink in the carpet or draw those stupid curtains again and again. Also? I loathe panel 2. I’m fond of Margot’s posture in panel 11. I am trying to remember why I thought alternating between 8 and 12 panel strips was a good idea. This data is lost to me.

Among other fun facts, I am curious to see if there’s a significant spike in people checking this blog when the paper hits wide circulation on Thursday. So anyone reading early… well look at you, with your spoilers. Now go pick up a copy of the Rotunda.

Episode 3: The Usual Evening Routine now takes Morgan back home again, or at least where we presume he lives, feeds sharks, brushes his teeth and puts sunglasses on things at random. While panel four is probably the funniest, I tend to like panel three the most. It speaks to the soul of the character, though perhaps not his intelligence.

The saga continues next week where no doubt our stalwart hero will deal with this conniving scalawag. I know I would.

Episode 2: The Fine Art of Showing and Telling is taking us now into the riveting world of vampyres and their high rhetorical foibles. And look. A name for our dear protagonist. Better yet, CONFLICT. You can tell, because it’s clearly labeled.

On a more craft oriented note, this whole shindig has been the first time I’ve made any “significant” work with Photoshop. I hand draw the panel backgrounds and then go back and draw characters frame by frame, usually in a pose somehow resembling interaction with the world. The same process was used in Episode 1, but in this instance the seams show a bit more beyond oddly shaped heads. I also think, comparing between the two strips, that I got very lazy with detail in this episode.

So here we are with the tumultuous beginnings of Vampyre Comix. Our nameless protagonist/main character boldly enters the scene, the fourth wall remarks on mysterious light source and the character’s head changes shape from panel to panel. Clearly, this is a masterpiece.

On a lighter note: This is a limited edition vertical version for this strip, as the original horizontal format wasn’t readable and every word of that text is precious to me. Every. Single. Word. So read, relish and understand that this is what’s passing for context.

i’m better at rhyming on frogs.

but don’t be too sore,

i’m sure there is more

than this crap digital prologue.